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Which Historical Figure Would Win A Poker Tournament?

Many traits make for an effective card player. Some rely on the numbers, others on reading the slight reactions of other players, while still others play mostly on instinct. If it were possible to gather some of history's well-known personalities for a no-limit Texas Hold 'em tournament, who would come out on top? Would Alexander the Great have the staying power? Could anyone get a read on Queen Victoria? This collection imagines how historical figures would fare at the card table, and where their strengths and weaknesses would lie.

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14
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657
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yesterday

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  1. 1

    Albert Einstein Would Easily Calculate The Odds

    Strength: Counting cards Weakness: A suspect poker face The Deal: Given his extensive, ground-breaking scientific accomplishments, it's hardly a stretch to imagine Albert Einstein would have the mathematical side of poker down. Poker math is largely based upon probability, working out how many "outs" there are in a given hand (cards that make a winning hand) versus the pot odds (how much a successful bet can return). If poker was simply down to mathematical precision, there's little doubt Einstein would walk away with it all. However, the psychological aspect of the game could be the physicist's undoing. His relentless curiosity and mischievous, playful nature could make for an easy read by opposing players.

    82% upvoted
  2. 2

    Niccolò Machiavelli Would Be A Master Of Reading Players

    Strength: Seeing into the souls of other players Weakness: Might be a little too clever for his own good The Deal: You'd struggle to put one past the famously sly Niccolò Machiavelli. His infamously cynical, but often perceptive, view of human nature would render attempts to bluff him futile. However, his reputation could also precede him and make the other players especially guarded against his tricks.

    81% upvoted
  3. 3

    Julius Caesar Would Bluff With The Best Of Them

    Strength: Bluffing Weakness: Overplaying his hand The Deal: A natural gambler, many of Julius Caesar's greatest triumphs came from his willingness to risk it all. His career was full of moments of near ruin where he projected greater strength than he actually had at the time. It's not hard to imagine Caesar winning a huge pot on a single ace. His strength could also be his undoing - nobody's luck holds forever, and Caesar was often too willing to take great risks.

    79% upvoted
  4. 4

    Alexander The Great Would Definitely Go All-In

    Strength: Bold, aggressive play could win big Weakness: Lack of staying power The Deal: At his best, Alexander's poker game would be akin to poker legend Stu "The Kid" Ungar, a three-time World Series of Poker champ known for his aggressive style of play. Alexander's natural inclination toward bold and decisive action could translate well on the card table. Like his poker-playing kindred spirit, Alexander didn't live to see old age. Would he be cut out for the long game?

    74% upvoted
  5. 5

    George Washington Would Have Some Tricks Up His Sleeve

    Strength: Mastery of underhanded tactics Weakness: Might take it too far The Deal: Don't be fooled by that silly story about the cherry tree - America's first president was actually a very talented liar with a great appreciation for subterfuge. During the American Revolutionary War, George Washington employed just about every sneaky trick there was and personally financed a spy ring. It wouldn't be hard to imagine these traits working very well at the card table. But it's possible his sneaky ways might land him in some bother among his fellow players. Would he be able to resist the temptation to cheat?

    72% upvoted
  6. 6

    Tokugawa Ieyasu Would Be Extremely Patient

    Strength: He'd wait for the perfect moment to strike Weakness: That moment might never come The Deal: The founder of the Tokugawa dynasty's signature move was waiting. For decades, the great warlord bided his time as his enemies tore themselves to pieces. After much of the groundwork had already been done, Tokugawa Ieyasu swooped in to claim the grand prize of Shogun. In a poker tournament, his patience could be a great asset. Rather than continually chasing a big pot, he'd stay out of trouble until the time was right. Of course, that approach would run the risk of him bowing out without ever winning a hand.

    74% upvoted
  7. 7

    Napoleon Bonaparte Would Know When To Press An Advantage

    Strength: Excellent timing Weakness: Could lose it all with one bad hand The Deal: Napoleon's greatest victories on the battlefield tended to be the result of precise timing; for example, at Austerlitz he defeated an Austrian and Russian army by timing his main offensive to perfection. In poker, he would instinctually know just when to press an opponent to win huge hands. But poker always has that element of the unknown, and Napoleon's style of play could be vulnerable to a stroke of misfortune. An "ace from space on the river" (final card) could wipe his chip stack out in a single hand. He would likely spend the rest of the game brooding about his misfortune.

    69% upvoted
  8. 8

    Genghis Khan Would Be Adept At Laying Traps

    Strength: Lulling players in Weakness: His wrath could spoil the game The Deal: One of the deadliest Mongol tactics was the feigned retreat, when they would pull opponents out of favorable positions by pretending to run away. After a long chase, the Mongols would then wheel around and crush their exhausted foes. In poker, Genghis Khan could use this strategy to devastating effect by baiting opponents into foolish moves. However, if he lost, he would be liable to kill the entire room in anger - a move generally frowned upon in poker circles.

    63% upvoted
  9. 9

    Elizabeth I Would Be A Very Tight Player

    Strength: She'd stay out of unwinnable hands Weakness: An aversion to risk might cost her The Deal: Elizabeth I enjoyed a long and successful reign by carefully managing risk and playing her position with poise and skill. At the card table, she'd definitely be mindful of her chips and would stay out of disadvantageous hands. However, winning big sometimes requires big bets, and when push comes to shove, "Good Queen Bess" might just be a little too cautious to prevail.

    56% upvoted
  10. 10

    Cleopatra's Natural Charm Could Disarm The Other Players

    Strength: Her way with words could work to her advantage Weakness: She could be careless with her stack The Deal: A fiercely intelligent and educated woman, Cleopatra's mastery of conversation would certainly make for a fun player and could also fluster even the most stoic players. Much has been made of her appearance, but her real allure was in her irresistible charm. Cleopatra's undoing could come from her spendthrift ways; she'd probably think nothing of making a huge bet on a pair of threes or bluffing just for the sake of it.

    52% upvoted